There were no boys in our extended family until six girls had been born. This includes my two sisters and me, two cousins on my mom's side and one on my dad's. So, a lot of our playtime consisted of girly things like dolls, tea sets, and dress-up - but we also did a lot of roller skating, sledding, exploring, hide and seek, swimming and softball. Still, there was one annual, truly girly event that we never missed, and we relished every moment: the Miss America Pageant.
When we were very young, we got together, glued to the tv in my nonna's living room, watching every piece between commercials and hoping that Miss Illinois would win the crown. The bathing suit competition, the walk in the evening gowns and even the questions Bert Parks would ask toward the end had us commenting like race horse handicappers on the best bets. But the talent competition was the part that oftentimes had us cringing as many a young woman's time in the spotlight became material for "America's Funniest Home Videos." The talent competition was fertile ground for any contestant to embarrass herself, and lots of them did.
This is where the term "afghan moment" comes from and, I'll state right now - my sister Judy coined the term. It has nothing to do with Afghanistan. An afghan moment occurs when you are watching the talent competition in the Miss America Pageant and Miss New Jersey forgets the words to her operatic aria, or Miss Arizona drops her flaming batons, or Miss New Hampshire's grande jete ends with her nearly falling into the orchestra pit. That is when you take the afghan that you always have on the couch, and ... you cover your head with it because you just can't bear to look.
There are other things on tv that have given me afghan moments. Almost anything George Costanza said or did on Seinfeld made me cringe. So, it's no wonder I can hardly watch the antics of Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm without my trusty blanket. Dancing with the Stars, American Idol and The Bachelor are all so full of these moments I just can't watch any of those shows. Even the Oscars are rife with afghan moments but I can bear it for the most part. My sister Judy is made of stronger stuff when it comes to the cringe factor and she will still call me with Afghan Moment Reports or Alerts and we co-cringe as she relates the incident. It's easier when you have cringing partner.
Obviously, everyone has afghan moments in everyday life - whether it is passing gas in a yoga class, congratulating someone on being pregnant (when she isn't), whiffing the ball in golf when others are watching you tee off, laughing so hard you either force milk through your nose or you wet your pants, commenting about someone you thought was outside when he or she is standing right behind you, or tripping on a crowded sidewalk - just to name a few. Of course, in our family, we loudly replay these incidents over and over again, hoping to embarrass the individual as much as possible, sending him or her searching for a handy afghan. After a number of years and many retellings, you do get over it - kind of.
So, if "Afghan Moment" becomes the "not-a-pretty-sight," "awesome," "think out of the box," or "bad hair day" phrase of the next five years or so, the credit goes to my sister Judy. And you heard it here first!
What are your afghan moments?
